TV Program

Current Episode

A Mother's Hope

2008-05-11

PRODUCTION #: 1142

SPEAKER: Shawn Boonstra

GUEST: Jean Boonstra

Introduction/Story
Being a mother is one of the most rewarding, fulfilling, and demanding jobs there are. The hours of work are 24/7. There are times I wish mommy’s job came with regular hours, like someone I know. But my job does come with some privileges, like being able to go back to sleep after feeding the baby.

Well, sometimes the mornings can be one of the most demanding times for a mom. To get through the busyness of the morning, I find myself using all my Mom’s management skills. Multitasking is a must, and so is patience. It seems that I’m always juggling many things at once, and today is no exception. I have a deadline to meet for my boss. After breakfast, the pace doesn’t slow down. Today, David has school and Joey has his first baby gymnastics class. I often wonder, since God made time, couldn’t He make me just a little more? Doesn’t He know mothers could always use more time, especially when there is a funny moment, or when saying, "I love you," and, "Have a great day at school"?

But time marches on. One day they are in a baby gymnastics class, and the next day they are in a college class. That is why moms are always trying to do more with less time. We have to and that is why I always plan ahead. The way I figure it, right after class I’ll get my errands done—pick up the dry cleaning and do my grocery shopping, go home, put all the groceries away, start some laundry, feed Joey, and then it will be time to pick up David from school. During nap and quiet time I’ll finish my work for my boss and start dinner—a perfect plan.

Well, sometimes you have to change your plans. I wasn’t able to put the groceries away or start the laundry. Someone’s little tummy was very hungry. As a mom you need to adapt. There will be time after lunch to get those things done. Time! Oh my! David gets out of school in five minutes. Adapting, always adapting—that is the key to being a mom. Being late to pick up your child from school, even though it is only by a few minutes, can seem like forever for them and knowing that as a mom makes it seem like forever for me, too.

“I’m so sorry I’m late. Are you okay, sweetie? I’m so sorry. Thank you so much.”

“That’s okay.”

Joey fell asleep on the way home from school, which gave me some special time with just David. We talked about his day at school and I loved how he shared all his school papers from the week. But I couldn’t help feeling a little uneasy knowing that the deadline for my boss was coming due, and I only had a couple hours before Joey would wake from his nap. I had to cut our special time short.

Children don’t always understand that there are just some things that adults have to do. For me it was my deadline for my boss. I had to get it done, and I needed David to have quiet time on his own. I know he wasn’t happy about that. It was hard to cut short our special time together, but I had to. No sooner had I opened my folder than a little voice sounded beside me.

“Mom, I need help.”

“No, sweetie, Mommy has to work. You have to go and play over there by yourself for a little while, okay?”

I know David wanted my attention, but this was not the time. I had to get my work done before the baby would wake from his nap. A silence finally fell over the house. I was able to immerse myself in my work. It all came together, and I was able to e-mail the document off to my expectant boss. I breathed a sigh of relief and glanced at my watch. More than an hour had passed and I suddenly realized how very quiet my son had been.

I couldn’t help but think how precious he was—sleeping with his head laying on one arm and his hand still holding a crayon. But as I got closer and saw what he had drawn, my heart melted. At that moment, all the tiredness and frustration of the day didn’t matter. For being a mom is one of the most rewarding, fulfilling, and yes, demanding jobs there are. But also, as a mom, I discover daily within myself an incredible love—a love that truly is a gift from God.

Interview
Shawn Boonstra: Being a parent can be a very humbling experience. It is one of the most difficult jobs, and yet at the same time, it is one of the most rewarding. Today is Mother’s Day and I want to wish all of you mothers, including my own mother, a very happy Mother’s Day. Now, today my wife, Jean, is here with me on the program, and we are going to talk about what it is like to be a mom in the 21st Century.

You know, with each generation, it seems like it gets more difficult to be a good parent. There are more and more demands on our time and the issues that we deal with seem to be more and more complex. So I’m glad that my wife is here. Hon, it is great to have you on the show.

Jean Boonstra: Thank you. It is good to be here.

SB: ...particularly on Mother’s Day, because I don’t have any experience as a mother and I never will, so I thought the natural thing to do is to ask a mother to come on and talk about being a mom. So, today the first thing I want to ask you is: What do you think is different about being a mother in today’s generation than, say, your own mother’s generation, your grandmother’s generation? How is it different?

JB: Well, I think it is very different, but at the same time there are so many things that are the same. So many parts of motherhood are just universal to every woman of every culture. I think of every generation going back to Eve, but I think that there are some very key differences, too—maybe not from my mother’s generation, but I think back to when my grandmother was raising her children.

SB: Give me some examples of things you think are different for today’s mother.

JB: You know, in my own circle of friends and family, I knew very few moms who are strictly at home. Most moms nowadays are juggling their work responsibilities with their home, with their family, and that is a challenge. I know it has been a reward for me, but it has also been a challenge.

SB: Tell me, because I know that you work part time and the other part of your time you are a stay-at-home mom with the kids. For a stay-at-home mom—give me some examples of what being in the workplace has added to motherhood.

JB: Well, I think it has been good. It has given women an opportunity to develop a career, something maybe they went to college for and they are able to use those skills and have their own fulfillment in those areas of their lives, which is wonderful. But again, of course, there is always the time balancing, juggling effect, because our family is my top priority.

SB: That is good to know.

JB: Yes.

SB: Tell me, what is your biggest frustration as a mother, because I’ve heard you say that on occasion, “It’s so frustrating!” What is so frustrating about finding yourself suddenly a mom of two girls?

JB: There are many rewards and many frustrations, that’s for sure. And our girls are a little bit older now. They are now eight and five, but I think back to when our first daughter was born.

I’d always worked since I was a teenager, and I couldn’t wait to be a mom, I couldn’t wait to be home for her, and I was fortunate enough that I could be home with her when she was a little baby. But, you know, my whole world was turned upside down, and initially I don’t think I really realized how different my life would be, being alone with this little person who couldn’t even talk to me, and no adult...

SB: Well, but she could cry, I remember. She could cry and she could cry all night.

JB: She had very healthy lungs, didn’t she? But when the kids were little tiny babies, I mean, you are just happy to have a shower in a day, and as they get older, I thought things would be so much easier when they were both in school. But now they have school projects, they have piano lessons, they have gymnastics, and there are all kinds of things that keep life complicated. I think one of the biggest frustrations for me as a Christian mom was trying to find time for my own spiritual life.

SB: Right.

JB: And when they were little newborns, I mean, honestly, it was almost impossible. And I remember a friend whose children were much older saying, “You know, I think God winks on the moms of the newborns, because He knows that there is just no real time other than praying to connect with Him.” That has gotten easier over time. I’ve been able to carry out my day-to-day devotional life much better, but it is always a challenge.

SB: I know that in our house, I used to be the one who was always up first, and that has changed now.

JB: That has. I’m always up first, aren’t I?

SB: You are always up first, and when I get up and head down the stairs, I always find you in the living room, curled up in the corner of the couch with your Bible, and that has become your time, the moment you’ve carved out before the kids are even awake.

JB: Yeah, that is the only time, really…

SB: To be alone with God. I know being around you quite a bit, that you have a tendency to worry, and I’ll bet you are not the only mom in the world who worries. You worry about the kids.

JB: I do.

SB: And you almost worry excessively at times, and mothers tend to do more of that, I think, than the guys do. So, tell me, how you keep worry under control? How do you balance it?

JB: I think worry and motherhood—they are almost synonymous. I do, I worry about very specific things that I probably shouldn’t worry about, you know. When they are little you worry. Are they eating enough, are they growing enough, are they learning enough, am I doing enough activities with them, am I doing too many activities, I mean, it is endless—the worry. But for me personally, I find comfort in the Bible and there are a couple of texts. I’ll just share one with you in particular. My very favorite text, it is found in Jeremiah 29, verse 11, and it says (Jeremiah 29:11):

“For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Honestly, I cling to this almost daily, because this text is promising, not only me as a mother, that God has plans for me and a hope for me, and a future for me, but I claim this for our children, too. You know, I know that He gave them to me for a reason, and I know I make mistakes, but I know He promises a future and a hope for them.

SB: But if you are leaning on God, I mean, if I’m hearing you right, when you lean on God as a mom, you can have faith that He is pushing everything in the right direction—that God’s will for you and for your children is higher and better than you could even imagine.

JB: Right.

SB: Here is one thing I know you worry about, and I get to pick on you on television because I know you better than just about anybody else, and I know what kinds of things you worry about. The world is getting to be a worse place.

JB: Yes.

SB: I mean, there has always been bad in the world, there has always been evil, and as a Christian mother, what do you do to kind of shield your kids from the big bad world? How do you raise them to be godly kids, but also be balanced enough that they are going to be able to function in the real world—but at the same time sort of preserve their innocence as little kids long enough that they get to have that childhood that so many kids no longer seem to be able to have?

JB: And that really is a challenge. I mean, we are not that old, and think how different the world is even from when we were growing up. What we’ve done with our girls, and I’ve tried different things over the years as far as specifics, but what we do is we have worship with them every day. And what I’ve found really works, and we’ve been doing this for a few years, is our family is always gathered together for breakfast, and we are always together for dinnertime. You might not always necessarily be there, but the three of us are always there. So what we do is we have worship right at the breakfast table, while the girls are still finishing their juice and taking their vitamins. We read a devotional and pray together and then we have an opportunity...

SB: You do the praying?

JB: Well, we take turns. Sometimes Mommy does, sometimes Natalie, sometimes Naomi. And then it gives us the opportunity, if someone has a test, like Natalie today had a math test at school, we were able to pray for her.

And then we are always together at dinnertime, and so while we are still at the dinner table, we read a Bible story together. We can take a little more time then, because it is in the evening, and then we have a family prayer together, again. And then, you and I as a family, we try to have one night a week where we have a special meal, and we usually eat in the family room at the coffee table.

SB: And I like that. We get to eat around the coffee table.

JB: Kneeling around it, casual. The girls love that, don’t they? They look forward to it every week.

SB: Candlelight.

JB: We do, yeah.

SB: If I’m not traveling, I get to be there with you. I’ve watched the way the girls are kind of growing in their knowledge of God, and we get to the end of the week and I get to test them. They are listening to your Bible instruction during the week. They kind of know Daddy is going to give them a test on the weekend. We just have a lot of fun. It is a bonding experience.

JB: It is.

SB: Jean, tell me, why don’t you share what your greatest joys are as a mom? I know you always wanted to be a mom.

JB: Oh, yeah.

SB: And you are loving every minute of it. Share with us why.

JB: Personally, I couldn’t imagine my life without being a mom, and it is the greatest joy in my life. They come to you, just these little blank slates almost, if you will.

SB: That is right. I heard one person say that a child comes with nothing more than a dial tone in their brain.

JB: Right, and they are yours to teach, to encourage, and to shape—teaching them how to read. The little one is just learning how to read, and I’m loving that process all over again, seeing Natalie go from learning her ABCs to now where she reads everything. She reads like you. I can’t keep that child away from books.

But you know, I think the greatest joys are the little things, and I know when I do have to travel and be away from them for short spells, the thing I miss the most are the kisses on my cheek at night. You know, they are both different. They both give me their goodnight kisses in a different way. Those are just a tremendous joy.

SB: They are gifts from God, no question about it, and I know that in the modern era, a lot of people have looked at motherhood as almost a curse. The way that you listen to some people talk about it, in the last few decades, it is like this slavery and this curse that has fallen on women over hundreds of years. They’ve been enslaved by motherhood. Do you feel enslaved?

JB: Well, there are days, of course! I mean, when the girls were little, we had one car. You’d take the car to work—I’d be at home all day. I’m not saying motherhood is for every woman, but for those of us who choose to be mothers, it is at our core. It is a part of us and I think it is a God-given desire, really.

SB: You are at home alone with the kids. Why don’t you talk to us a little bit about that kind of a challenge? In addition to those whose husbands are away, I know there are a lot of people watching today on Mother’s Day, who are moms and there is no dad.

JB: Right. You know, the single moms, honestly, I feel for them, carrying the financial, the spiritual, every day-to-day burden, and it’s the same for me. But when you are gone, sometimes it is lonely. But some of the ways I’ve coped with that is, I made a conscious choice a few years ago to make sure that the friends and people I associate with are positive about things, and I always keep it positive with the girls.

You know, if I’m having a down day and thinking, "Oh, I wish Shawn were here," I keep that for myself. I don’t share it with them. We always talk, the girls and I, about where you are. You know, when you were in the Arctic recently, we went to the library and got books all about the Arctic.

SB: Is that something that can be applied right across the board? I know there are people who are watching today, and Daddy is not a preacher. He is not in the Arctic giving out Bibles. He is in Iraq.

JB: Definitely. I mean, the mothers of children whose father is away in Iraq, they can share with their children what their father is doing to protect their freedom, their rights, and just encourage them that what Daddy is doing, he is doing it for the whole family—doing it for them.

SB: I know there are some Bible promises that you cling to, especially in those moments when you are alone. When you are upstairs in the bedroom and you hear a sound at night and I’m not there, you can’t send me down to go see what is making the noise in the backyard. What do you do?

JB: Well there are some Bible texts that definitely have encouraged me, and I’ll just share one with you. It is found in the book of Hebrews, and it says (Hebrews 13:5):

“…I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

So, you know, I always know that when I’m alone I’m never truly alone. God is always with me. He is always strengthening me. He is always there to encourage, and when you are gone, sometimes I spend an hour or two before I go to bed at night just talking to Him and journaling, and really I never feel like I’m truly alone.

SB: There is that other one in Deuteronomy that you often tell me about.

JB: That is in Deuteronomy 31 and it is verse eight, and it says (Deuteronomy 31:8):

“And the Lord, He is the one who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”

SB: So when you hear something rattling the front door, and you are home alone with the kids. God’s counsel is...

JB: He never leaves you alone, and discouragement can be put behind you.

SB: I know that as a mom, you have very high expectations of yourself. You tend to punish yourself, and I’ve noticed that in other moms, too, in asking, "Am I a good enough mom?" I know you are not the only mom out there that wrestles with that. Tell me a little bit about it.

JB: Yeah, I think our expectations of mothers, of ourselves are ultimately...I think we expect perfection of ourselves. And in the Bible I find encouragement that I’m not perfect because no one is perfect. But God loves me anyway, He accepts me. He chose to give me these children, this wonderful gift, and I don’t think that in His wisdom He would have given them to me if He thought I couldn’t handle it.

So, you know, He will encourage me. He will give me what I need to mother them, not perfectly by any means, but hopefully adequately. That is just my prayer and that is something that I think moms have trouble letting go of, but it has helped me to do my best—to let go of that.

SB: We talked a moment ago about how you sort of shield the kids from influence, but there is another influence that you’ve often shared with me that bothers you. As the world sort of progresses and moves onward, you shared with me just how materialistic it feels to you. You even noticed more, after you had kids, that the world is materialistic. It bothered you more.

JB: Right.

SB: What are you doing about that with the kids?

JB: One thing I do with the girls is every January and July we make it a point—and the girls know it is coming now after a few years—we go through their bedrooms, and they help me to choose some things that they would like to donate that they don’t play with anymore. They give clothes and toys to children who don’t have very much. Even within our own affluent North American community, we talk about how even here there are some children who don’t have enough. They don’t have enough toys and clothes, so we share.

And then, of course, I always bring it back to the fact of, what is wealth? What is ultimate wealth, really? It is that we have each other. We have love one for each other. We have God, who loves us, and hopefully the girls have grasped that. It is hard for them when they are little, but I hope they take that with them into adulthood, anyway.

SB: So really, as a corrective, as a preventative, the things that you are working with are teaching to give.

JB: Teaching to give.

SB: And teaching to appreciate.

JB: Right.

SB: ...that what you have is far more than what most of the world has, so why don’t you share the wealth that God has given you?

JB: Exactly.

SB: And really, giving is the way that any person grows, that any Christian grows. It has been fun to let you talk for a while.

JB: It has been really wonderful to be here. Thank you for having me.

SB: You know, parenting today is not an easy job and motherhood is particularly challenging. As you heard today, in our house we certainly don’t feel like we’ve mastered the art of parenting. It is a constant learning process full of daily challenges.

If you are a mom, you know what Jean has been talking about. Maybe you are a single mom and you are feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders right now, or maybe you have a child who is physically or mentally challenged.

Yet God has trusted you with the experience that you have. When you feel the burden of your responsibility lying heavily on your heart, God promises to carry you through.

In the book of Jeremiah, God has a beautiful promise of hope. It says (Jeremiah 17:7-8):

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river, and will not fear when heat comes; but its leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit.”

You know, Hon, I know that you are leaning on God. As you go through the experience of motherhood and you are growing closer to God through the experience you have with your kids, I thought it would be nice today to ask you to pray for all the moms who are watching today on Mother’s Day.

JB: Oh, certainly. I’d love to. Let’s bow our heads.

PRAYER:
Dear Heavenly Father, we thank you for the children that you have blessed our lives with. We thank you for the mercy and grace that you teach us to have through their lives. We pray, too, for each of the mothers listening right now. Give them hope. Nourish them with your love and give them your peace during their daily struggles and their rewards. We thank you for loving each one of us, your children, so very much. We pray in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Scriptures Used in “A Mother's Hope”

“For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
—Jeremiah 29:11

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river, and will not fear when heat comes; but its leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit.”
—Jeremiah 17:7-8

“Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
—Hebrews 13:5

“And the Lord, He is the one who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”
—Deuteronomy 31:8